If Vince Russo booked the 3/28/11 edition of WWE Raw…

Wow. What an edition of Monday Night Raw that was. For the first time in a long time, WWE creative was clicking on all cylinders. However, you have to wonder what a former member of the WWF booking team, one Vince Russo, would’ve been thinking as the show was progressing. With that, I present “How Vince Russo Would’ve Booked the 3/28/11 Raw.”

Segment 1: CM Punk in the ring

What happened: CM Punk was in the ring and his hometown fans were behind him. Randy Orton comes out selling his leg from last week’s attack. Still, he gets the best of Punk and lines him up for The Punt. On his way in, his gimp leg gives out and he falls on his face. Punk takes advantage and gives him the GTS.

What Would Russo Do?: Another one of Orton’s wives would’ve ran out and started hitting on Punk only to give him a low blow. Then Orton would give Punk the Punt as security runs down to break it up. Punk will appear in a backstage segment later in the show, perfectly fine. Then he would turn their Mania match into a 2-of-3 falls Atlanta taped fist street fight. Or this would’ve been changed to a Main Event Mafia or Immortal promo, depending on which era we’re talking about.

Segment 2: Edge/Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio/Brodus Clay

What happened: Edge and Christian beat Del Rio and Clay in a nice, fun match after Edge pinned Clay with the spear. Following the match, Del Rio put both Christian and then Edge in the cross-armbreaker.

What Would Russo Do?: Too much wrestling. The match would be cut to two minutes and then Ricardo Rodriguez would cut a 10-minute promo in Spanglish. In the post-match activities, Del Rio would put Edge in the armbar, then Edge would make a comeback. Repeat four times before security finally comes out to break it up. Then he would turn the Del Rio/Edge Mania match into a Edge’s title and hair vs. Sin Cara’s mask match and also book Clay to face Christian in a bra and panties match.

Segment 3: Michael Cole/Jerry Lawler

What happened: The Raw GM sends Cole an e-mail on his iPad and books a match between Jack Swagger and Lawler for later in the night.

What Would Russo Do?: The GM would’ve sent Cole an e-mail saying Cole was facing Swagger tonight. Cole would’ve tried to smash the iPad but security would run down before he could do so. Then he’d make the Cole/Lawler Mania match into an Ultimate X match.

Segment 4: Justin Gabriel vs. Santino Marella

What happened: Marella pinned Gabriel with the Cobra after Kozlov tripped Gabriel. After the match, Santino, Kozlov, Tamina, Big Show and Kane all played the air trombone.

What Would Russo Do?: Set the wheels in motion for Kane to turn on Santino, hitting him with a real trombone leading to a Trombone on a Pole match at Extreme Rules next month. Then security would run down to break it up. He would also change the eight-man tag match at Mania into a Dance Dance Revolution competition.

Segment 5: Undertaker/Triple H/Shawn Michaels

What happened: For their face-to-face confrontation, Undertaker and Triple H each one-upped each other before Shawn Michaels made a surprise appearance and talked about what both men wanted to do at Mania. Then Hunter said he’d do what Shawn couldn’t, beat Taker. This went on for awhile.

What Would Russo Do?: Since this promo went about 20 minutes in WWE, Russo would’ve booked it for 40 with three commercial breaks. Instead of just stopping at Shawn Michaels, Russo would’ve brought back all of Taker’s conquered Mania opponents (including facsimile’s for the two who are dead). They all would interrupt and get their own entrances, each talking for 10 seconds before the next came out. He would’ve turned everything here from “OH SNAP!” to “OH. CRAP.” Then security would run down to break it up. Then he would book a 17-man reverse battle royal featuring all Taker’s defeated Mania foes with the winner going on to face Taker at WrestleMania. He’d book Kane to win it because that’s a fresh feud. The Kane/Taker match would be the first-ever first blood buried alive hell in a cell match. The winner will get HBK’s Hall of Fame ring.

Segment 7: Jack Swagger vs. Jerry Lawler

What happened: Swagger dominated the match before Lawler grabbed a chair and got himself DQ’d by hitting Swagger with it multiple times. Then he set his sights on Cole, who retreated into the Cole Mine. Lawler hit the Cole Mine with the chair and tried to get past security but couldn’t. He tried to climb into the Cole Mine only to have Cole throw what appeared to be soda (still awaiting confirmation on whether it was diet or not) in his face. Then Cole bad-mouthed Lawler.

What Would Russo Do?: Lawler would’ve broken down the Cole Mine, beat the shit out of Cole and they would’ve completely ignored the fact they have a match Sunday and that the GM said Lawler would be fired if he put his hands on Cole. Cole would go to throw the beverage but security would break it up before he could do so.

Segment 8: Vickie Guerrero/Dolph Ziggler & Sheamus vs. John Morrison & Daniel Bryan

What happened: Vickie started by mocking Morrison’s entrance. It was grand. Then Ziggler and Sheamus beat Morrison and Bryan when Sheamus pinned Bryan with Pale Justice.

What Would Russo Do?: Too much wrestling. The match would be cut to two minutes after all four men cut promos on each other. After the match, Zack Ryder and Tyson Kidd would run in and attack Morrison and Bryan before security runs down to break it up.

Segment 9: Trish Stratus and Snooki in a bar/brawl with LayCool

What happened: Trish and Snooki give an interview to Josh Mathews in a Jersey bar. Then they are confronted by LayCool. A brawl ensues.

What Would Russo Do?: Proceed as it did, only all the women would be calling each other “bitches” “whores” “silicone whores” “sluts” “tramps” etc. Then security would run in to break it up. He changes the Mania match to a Steel Asylum match.

Segment 10: The Rock/John Cena/The Miz Promo

What happened: The Rock cut a promo on Cena. Cena responded. They were about to fight when The Miz interrupted. The Miz cut a promo on The Rock and he and Alex Riley attacked. The Rock made a comeback, dispatched of Riley and then gave Miz the People’s Elbow. Then Cena came in and gave Rock the Attitude Adjustment as the show went off the air.

What Would Russo Do?: More interruptions. Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan would’ve come down and talk about how the network loves this segment because it means RATINGZ. The Miz would act like he’s teaming with The Rock only to SWERVE! and beat him up. Then Cena would try to help The Miz up to get back at Rock only to SWERVE and give him the AA. All three would brawl for 5 straight minutes until security ran down to break it up. Then he’d turn the Miz/Cena Mania match into a Monster’s Ball Full Metal Mayhem match.