Raw was live Monday from Lexington, Ky. Per usual, quotes from Michael Cole are in quotes with no attribution. Things not in quotes are my thoughts. It was a wild night, as this is a large amount of tweets. Enjoy.
We’re only a few hours away from the longest running steroid-injected show in history! No, not Raw! The Home Run Derby is tonight!
We’re live for Raw!
Brady Bunch Mom is the host tonight. There’s gotta be a WWE-style Brady Bunch intro.
It will only be appropriate if Black Cena rises from the dead and comes through the ring and costs Cena the title Sunday.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Wade Barrett wear a T-shirt.
“Excuse me, gentlemen. I’ve received an e-mail. Excuse me.”
“And I quote:”
HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST SUCH A THING! RT @kellylynndobson: @ThingsColeSays perhaps tonight Orton will wear pants!
Gimmick infringement right here. RT @ExcuseMeWWE: did Michael Cole just say, “excuse me”?!?!
EVE, HELLO.
“There’s the big kick to the back of the head!” Also known tonight as the big vagina to the middle of the back.
“Can I have everyone’s attention, please? This is a quote from our General Manager.”
“The Apex Predator Randy Orton versus The Ultimate Opportunist Edge one-on-one here tonight!”
“Tremendous sports entertainment heritage in the ring right now.”
Things @JoeyStyles would say: CATFIGHT!!!
David Otunga: Muay Thai expert.
“The Fortunate Son and The Beautiful One.”
So would that be The Fortunate Thumb?
“I was thinking about that line all day today and blew it.”
“Maybe the GM should e-mail me the whole show and I’ll read it verbatim out here.”
Each time I hear Morrison’s music these days, I just go “Oh, Christ.”
People booing Morrison. LOL.
Boy John Morrison is just the worst.
Dang. I might cry. RT @shanisesimps0n: just unfollowed @ThingsColeSays don’t diss Morrison.
OK, I laughed when Regal came on screen.
Wow, Linda McMahon sure aged a lot since we last saw her on TV.
BREAKING… WWE has signed Paul Heyman to be the 8th man in the Raw MITB match, just to keep him away from TNA.
“You are watching the longest running weekly episodic television show in history, and as Edge likes to say, NOWWWW THE FUNNN BEGINS!”
“And then Randy Orton, the WWE’s Apex Predator, does what he does best.”
“Edge is the master psychologist, he’s the Ultimate Opportunist.”
Responses to what Orton does best: @TehTenyo says: stare weirdly at nothing? @MRoberSton101 says: Take 30 minutes to get to the ring…? LOL
“He’s like a snake. A Viper, he’s all muscle and as nasty as they come. There’s no absence of malice when it comes to Randy Orton.”
“Edge is the Ultimate Opportunist. Always seizing the opportunity.”
“Lookit! Scoop slam by Orton and just like that, Randy Orton, the expression has changed.”
Also, lost in the mania here is that THE NO PANTS STREAK CONTINUES!
Coming soon to VH1, a new show: Orton Does Best. Featuring him pooping in random bags and walking to the grocery store sans pants.
“Look at Edge with the drop-toe hold and he hammers away on the Viper.”
“Randy Orton has switched gears into that new zone. Scoop slam! and Orton has become unhinged.”
“And the cover, 1, 2, he got ’em no KICKOUT at 2 and a half by the Viper!”
“Edge went for the spear but he ran into the punt! And Randy Orton is coiled and ready. Slitering into position for the RKO!”
“HOW DID HE DO IT? WHERE’D HE GET IT? OHMYGOD! RKO IN MID AIR! I AM SHOCKED!”
“Will the Apex Predator climb to the top of the food chain and become Mr. Money in the Bank?”
I love Orton! The VintageApexViper! RT @poprocksncoke14Quit hating on Orton or you’ll lose yet another follower buddy.
“Absolutely spectacular.”
If the Nexus beats Morrison so bad he forgets he was ever a face, I’ll love them forever.
Also at Money in the Bank: Skip Sheffield vs. The Blue Door.
I think I need to make some things clear because there’s some sensitivity: I will roast anybody and everybody if it’s funny. Even my mother.
As pointed out by @lindseylbrooks, this still rules:http://youtu.be/N_DnRxJmhik
I’ll give it to Cole, he lost his damn mind like he should have on that spot.
Miz says: “He got off easy.” THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.
That’s a Roddy Piper reference from the GM.
Holy moly. I guess I also need to tweet again that I AM NOT MICHAEL COLE.
RAW NUMMMMBER 1 GM! RT @Lagana: They change the tease from Stone Cold to Roddy Piper. We’re three weeks away from new GM – FUNAKI!
Best WWE replay of the year: Slow-motion of The Miz emptying a trash can on Mark Henry.
Undoubtedly true. RT @lordofthedrum93: I feel this episode of RAW has suffered from a lack of #FELLABRATION
This isn’t Linda McMahon’s theme.
King: “Did you ever have a crush on Marcia?” Cole: “No, I liked Jan.”
“I have to go with those I possibly have a chance with.”
“Where’d they dig Doink up from?”
IF COLE DOESN’T SAY VINTAGE DOINK I QUIT (well, probably not, but I’ll be upset).
“You had a thing for blondes, you told me. And she’s in your age bracket.”
“Where’s the laugh track now?”
“Thanks for coming Doink. Go back to where you came from.”
OK, Doink pulling out the squirt gun was the perfect time to yell VINTAGE DOINK. I wanted it more than anything in the world ever.
“He’s no Mike Brady, but the Great Khali will do. The Punjabi Playboy….NOOOOOO!”
Edge hears voices in his head, too? Uh oh. Just gimmick infringement all over the place tonight.
Raw 7/12/10: Needs More #Fella
And speak of the awesome! #FELLABRATION
Your hottest act gets a jobber entrance. LOL. In the main event of the show.
“And BARRETT WITH A BIG BOOT!”
“John Cena with a shoulder knockdown. John Cena is rolling. This is vintage Cena!”
“450 connecting! Hook of the leg and The Nexus has defeated John Cena!”
“We’ve seen this M.O. in the past, the surrounding of the ring.”
“Chaotic situations cause strange alliances!”
Things Cole Says - The Blog! 